Out of Our Hands
by LyricalKris
Summary: When an ultrasound changes everything, how do you make an impossible choice? Written for the Beautiful Bellies contest.


**A/N: This was written for the Beautiful Bellies contest. I really enjoyed taking part of the contest and enjoyed writing this story!  
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**~0~**

The biggest decision of Edward and Bella's lives was made in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it conversation as they both got ready for work.

"I'll cook tonight," Bella called from the bathroom where she was brushing out her long hair.

Edward was somewhat perplexed. Usually he cooked on Wednesdays because her meetings ran late. "Everything okay?" he called back as he fished through his sock drawer.

"Yeah, I'm getting off early because I have a doctor's appointment. My annual," Bella answered.

Sitting on the bed, Edward was quiet as he pulled his socks on. "Hey, Bella?"

"Yes?"

"What do you say you don't renew your birth control?" His voice was amazingly nonchalant as the words tumbled out and away from him. He couldn't take them back, but then, he didn't want to.

There was a moment of silence before Bella peered around the door. "Are you sure?" she asked carefully, her eyes wide and shell-shocked.

Edward concentrated on tying his shoes as if nothing life-changing had just come out of his mouth. Slowly, he tilted his head toward her, offering up his most charming lopsided grin. "Yeah."

She blinked at him dumbly a couple of times before her smile matched his. "Okay," she said.

Bella went back to her mirror and Edward to his other shoe just like any other morning. Their smiles, though, tugged at the edges of their lips, threatening to betray their otherwise calm exterior. Bella's eyes were shining, and she seemed - to Edward - to be already glowing.

Their kiss goodbye was a little more thorough than usual. In fact, Edward might have pushed Bella up against the wall by the front door his hands roaming over her body as he all but attacked her mouth. Bella laughed against his lips, and they went to work that day with hair just a little more mussed than usual.

**~0~**

Months passed in the usual flurry of activity that was life. Edward and Bella's lives were full. They had rewarding careers they were passionate about. Aside from a great group of friends, they also had Edward's family - his parents, his sister and brother and their spouses - and Bella's father and stepmother around them constantly.

So despite the fact that they were officially not trying to prevent kids, Bella still hadn't put the pieces together when she plopped down at the dinner table one evening.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked, concerned. "What's wrong?"

Bella was leaning with her elbows on the table and her head in her hands as she massaged her temples. "Nothing. Nothing. I'm just so exhausted the last few days."

"Well, are you hungry?"

"Eh," Bella said vaguely.

"If you're not hungry, you should get hungry, because I stopped at your favorite deli," Edward said, sitting a platter on the table between them.

Bella's head perked up like a dog hearing her food being poured into a bowl. Edward had to hide a smile, watching her tongue dart over her lips as she looked at the spread in front of her. It was one of her favorite kind of dinners: cuts of meat, cubes of cheese, crackers and slices of bread.

Happily, Bella started to assemble her first bite. No sooner had she put the crusty piece of bread in her mouth than she spit it right back out again. "Oh. Ew. There's something wrong with the cheese."

"This cheese?" Edward asked, perplexed because he'd just taken a bite of the same kind. To him it tasted delicious as usual. He reached over the table, picking up the remainder of her abandoned bread and cheese. He sniffed, then bit it. "It's fine, Bella."

"You don't taste that? It's... it's so gross. Like it's curdling in my mouth," Bella said, wrapping her arms around herself as she wrinkled her nose. Suddenly, her eyes went wide and she stood, bolting for the bathroom with a hand clapped over her mouth.

Edward had some time to think while he waited. When the bathroom door opened again, he had a plan.

Bella emerged looking a little less green. Edward took her hand and led her to their bedroom. There, he tucked her under the blankets and brought her a few slices of the plain, crusty bread to eat and a big glass of water to drink.

"I'm just going to take a nap. Then I'll be fine," Bella mumbled, already half asleep.

"Okay, babe," Edward agreed amiably, kissing her forehead as her eyes closed. "We're out of Tums. I'll run out and get it, and some cold medicine just in case."

When he was sure she was fast asleep, Edward headed out the door. He came back with the items he promised and one more thing that he set on the nightstand. Bella was still out like a light. He ran his fingers across her cheek adoringly, smiling down at her peacefully sleeping face. She gave a little moan in her sleep, her face turning slightly toward him, and Edward couldn't help but smile. She was just so beautiful, and he loved her.

Edward spent a couple of hours in the living room, his laptop out and the television on low, as he finished up a report from work. When he was ready to sleep, he padded to the bedroom. Bella was awake, sitting on the edge of the bed with the extra item he'd bought in her hand. Edward went to sit beside her.

"You think?" Bella asked, her voice a little awed as she turned the pregnancy test over and over in her hands.

"Doesn't hurt to check," Edward answered with a shrug that belied the excitement and hope bubbling in him.

The next three minutes was a blissful sort of agony as they both waited on tenterhooks.

Then two blue lines appeared.

**~0~**

Their first ultrasound brought with it their first life changing surprise.

Edward and Bella were still in a state of shock when they went to Edward's parents' for dinner. Opening the door, his sister, Alice, didn't even get a proper greeting out before she snatched the ultrasound photos right out of Bella's hands.

"Oh, my God!" Alice gasped.

Looking over her shoulder, Alice's husband, Jasper, made a confused face. "Why are there two dots circled in red?"

Carlisle surprised everyone by snatching the photo out of his daughter's hand. He glanced at it then looked up at Edward and Bella. "Twins?"

There was a collective gasp. Then Edward had to grin. "Twins," he confirmed.

Guffawing, Edward's brother, Emmett, bent at the knees. "You're such an overachiever. I told you to catch up to us but nooooo. You had to one up us," Emmett cackled jovially, putting his arm around his wife, Rosalie's, waist and taking his six month old son, Henry, from her arms. "Hear that, little man? You're going to have _two_ cousins to rule over."

Bella frowned. "You really think children of mine and Edward's would be subjects?"

Emmett pointed at his son. "King Henry."

Rolling her eyes, Bella gave herself over to the inevitable hugs that followed. Edward watched as she was passed from one set of arms to the other. Though he must have looked ridiculous – the grin he wore was so broad it was literally hurting his face – Edward couldn't help the absolute pride that welled in him. He was fairly certain that if he didn't have as much self control, he would have been strutting like the cock of the hen house.

His family. It was an idea he was just barely beginning to grasp the enormity of. He was going to be a father, a daddy.

He didn't notice Carlisle had stepped over to him until his father was clasping his shoulders. "Good luck, son. You're going to need it."

**~0~**

When they got home, Edward had scarcely closed the front door when he was attacked by his shorter, smaller, unquestionably fiercer wife. She grabbed his collar, pulling him down to her lips even as she pressed him up against the door. His arms wound around her waist, pulling her hard against him.

Edward's head spun. Bella's sex drive had been severely diminished through the first trimester of her pregnancy. He'd tried not to complain – he had little to complain about considering that normally Bella took every opportunity to ride him straight into the sunset – but damn he'd missed this.

That was probably the reason that they didn't even make it to their bedroom. He'd walked her backward while her hands worked the buckle of his belt. They were almost frantic, shedding their clothes as they stumbled into the kitchen. He ended up pushing her over the kitchen table and taking her, hard and fast, from behind, loving the way she called his name when she came.

He picked her up, carrying her to their bed so he could take his time worshiping her as she deserved to be worshiped.

"What was that about?" he asked against her skin, pressing kisses to her shoulder and across her collarbone.

Bella smirked at him, her hands lazy on his back. "I don't know. It occurred to me that you're the father of my children." She waggled her eyebrows at him playfully. "It got me kind of hot."

He laughed and took her again, slowly this time, murmuring how much he loved her and how perfect she was and how fantastic and amazing her body – even her new curves and the hardness of her belly – felt to him.

"Are we ready for this?" Bella asked afterward, breaking the peaceful silence of the night.

Edward snickered. He cuddled her close and kissed her with a long, lingering, serious kiss. "Not even a little bit."

He didn't know then just how true his words would prove to be.

**~0~**

They were still playfully bickering over baby names as the ultrasound technician pressed the wand against the gentle swell of Bella's belly.

"What's wrong with Gertrude and Tallulah?" Edward teased, knowing Bella hated those names. Since discovering they were having twins, they'd been trying to narrow their choices down to two girl names and two boy names with little to no luck.

"Oh, nothing," Bella said, exasperated. She smiled sweetly at her husband. "I hope at least one of them will be a boy. Our little Tristan."

"No," he said bluntly. All he could think of when he heard the name Tristan was Brad Pitt with long, flowing blond hair. His father's honey-blond hair had skipped a generation. He could easily imagine his little son looking just the same with his hair flowing down to his waist. Edward wrinkled his nose in distaste. "What's the verdict?" he asked the ultrasound technician.

The man was looking intently at the little screen, an entirely too serious expression on his face. At their previous appointment he'd been all smiles, joking right along with them as he piled the goop over Bella's abdomen.

Bella's grin fell first, then Edward's. The air, previously filled with light banter and happiness, got heavy with the dark cloud of dread that pressed down on his chest and shoulders. Instinctively, Edward clasped Bella's hand in his, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat.

The technician turned to them, his lips pressed into a tight line. He tried for a smile and failed. "The doctor will be in to talk with you in a few minutes."

**~0~**

Edward and Bella got home to find his parents waiting for them with expectant smiles. Esme had cooked a lovely dinner, and looked to be vibrating with curiosity, wanting to know how much pink or blue they were buying.

Edward sighed heavily, watching Bella's back as she retreated to their room without so much as looking at his parents. Closing his eyes tightly, he wished with everything in his heart and soul that things were different. This morning the world was rosy and fine. He'd expected to come home with news about the sex of his babies. He expected Bella to be grinning as she bickered with Alice over whether pink clothes were adorable or detestable. Emmett would remind him about how, when they were kids, they used to talk about coaching Little League together with their sons. Carlisle would be beaming, looking over his growing brood with a wide smile. Esme would be, as always, ecstatic and brimming with plans.

Instead, Bella shut herself away as his parents' happy smiles turned concerned. Opening his eyes, Edward stared after where his wife had just disappeared, wishing he knew how to make this okay. She hadn't said a word since they left the hospital, and her face had been disturbingly blank and emotionless.

Numb with shock himself, Edward looked at the ground as he turned back to his parents. In a flat voice he repeated everything the doctor told them. A doctor himself, Carlisle paled, holding his wife tightly to him. Terrifying phrases like 'heart defect' and horrifying survival statistics drowned out and dwarfed the beautiful words 'boy' and 'girl.' What Edward and Bella had been handed was simultaneously an expectant parent's worst nightmare and their greatest hope.

His daughter was perfect - developing normally.

But his son was very, very sick.

"Is there anything we can do for you?" Carlisle asked quietly, his hand on his son's shoulder.

Edward chuffed, a raw sound. He was so very close to tearing apart the room with the strength of his anger at the injustice of it all. Either that or he was going to break down and cry. He could do neither; Bella needed him to be strong, and he needed to get back to her. "Will you tell everyone else? Please?" he asked, his voice shaking.

"Of course," Carlisle agreed.

His parents hugged him between them, told him to pass their love on to Bella and left.

Alone again, Edward tried to gather his thoughts. His head was spinning and the whole world was upside down. He couldn't remember ever feeling so small. Threading his fingers through his hair, Edward tugged hard, just trying to put walls on the emotion that was threatening to rage out of control, sending him flying apart at the seams. For a brief moment he panicked. Bella had all the strength in their relationship, but she couldn't hold him up through this. No, he needed to be her pillar. Her rock. Everything else was spiraling out of control but he would not fail her there. He couldn't.

Resolved, Edward straightened and walked to their room. Inside he found Bella on the bed, her legs drawn up and her arms wrapped tightly around her front. She was protecting their babies, he recognized, as much as was possible under the circumstances.

Grabbing the spare blanket from the top of the closet, Edward said nothing as he laid down beside her. He pulled the blanket over their heads, hoping he could chase away some of the cold chill of fear that had gripped his heart after their conversation with the doctor. He wrapped his arms around her, his stance distinctly protective as he pulled her small frame against him.

Her face was still slack at first but as he began to rub her back in slow circles, her body started to tremble. It was just a light tremor at first, but then her lips quivered and her eyes closed. She buried her head on his shoulder, and hot tears ran in rivulets down his neck as she began to cry. It started slow like a gentle, afternoon rain - just a drizzle of tears and her slight shudders against him. Then she was sobbing - a torrential downpour that was almost violent in its intensity. Her body quaked.

Her torment absolutely shattered Edward's heart. He closed his eyes, his lips pressed against her soft hair as he just held her. Though he had always been an eloquent man, Edward had no words today. There was nothing that could be said, no way to make it better. He was just as terrified and at a loss of what to do.

It felt like hours before she could finally speak.

"I just...feel so betrayed," Bella said, her voice strained and miserable as she tried to get a handle on her tears.

Helpless and completely bewildered by her response, Edward did the only thing he could think to do. His fingers caressed her hair and face because it was the only amount of comfort he could offer. "Betrayed?" he asked tentatively.

She spoke to his chest, her fingers idly tracing the lines of his shirt. "A woman's body is designed for this purpose: to grow a child and nurture it. Biologically speaking, it's the reason behind everything about the way we're shaped; how our bodies act from puberty on." Her voice broke then, her lips quivering and then crumpling as she started to cry again. "So I feel betrayed because my body can't keep my babies safe. Edward... I could deal with anything life threw at me. I could deal with cancer, or anything else that affected just me. But not them. It's not fair. They shouldn't have to suffer; they're not even born yet. Why couldn't I work right?" she asked plaintively.

"Bella," Edward said desperately, trying to bring her face up to meet his eyes but she wouldn't move. "Sweetheart, this isn't your fault. You did nothing wrong." She was breaking his already overtaxed heart.

"What if I did?" she asked, her voice hysterical in a way he'd never heard it before. "What if it was when I slipped and had a regular soda? Or maybe there was something I wasn't supposed to eat. Or, or... what if it happened when we had sex? The day we found out about them we were a little rough, or-"

"Bella!" His hands cupped her face and he scooted away from her enough that she couldn't hide against his chest. "Stop! Please, stop. This is not your fault. This didn't happen because of anything you did or we did," he said firmly. Her eyes finally came up to meet his. The uncertainty and anguish he saw there almost pushed him over the edge. He was so close to sobbing himself. He kissed her forehead and then the river of salt pooling beneath her eyes. "You've been taking such good care of yourself and of them. Please believe me."

Taking one of her hands, he guided it between them so it was pressed against her stomach. He put his hand over hers. "You can't dwell on the past, baby. Not right now. Our babies are right here, alive, and we're going to fight for them." He kissed her tenderly, his promise just as much to himself as to her. "We'll get them through this."

He hoped with everything he was that he wasn't lying.

**~0~**

The next couple of days were filled with more tests than Edward could count. Poor Bella was poked, prodded and examined by a team of doctors and specialists. She never complained though. She was entirely stoic, obeying the requests and directions of the doctors without question, while Edward was helpless to do anything but hold her hand.

But for all the needles and machinery, the worst part was when they sat across from the doctor. Their hands were clasped together tightly, and Edward's heart was beating quicker and louder in his ears than any drum.

The long and short of it was that Baby Boy needed heart surgery. If he survived the pregnancy, it would need to be done as soon as he was born, if not sooner.

"There have been remarkable developments in fetal surgery that could increase his chance of survival considerably," the doctor explained gently. "Under other circumstances I wouldn't hesitate to present that as an option."

"But?" Edward asked, barely able to get the word past his closed-off throat.

"But, there would be, of course, some risk to Baby Girl."

Bella let out a soft cry, her free hand going to her mouth. Edward let his eyes close briefly as his head swam. Risk their healthy child to give their sick child a better chance. How would they ever make this decision?

**~0~**

The nearest surgical team that specialized in fetal surgery was in Southern California. That's where Edward and Bella found themselves. It hadn't even been a week since their lives had been completely upturned.

Each statistic was more terrifying than the last.

There was a risk, of course, that the surgery would cause both the twins to be born too soon. At 25 weeks gestation, the complications would be severe to fatal. But every day that went by without the defect being attended to decreased Baby Boy's chances of survival significantly. For him to develop normally meant his heart had to be working correctly.

It was difficult to feel hopeful when any decision they made could cost one or both of their babies far too much.

Edward and Bella were both stooped as they sat with their parents at the hotel that evening. Charlie and Renee had left their respective spouses at home so they could be there for their daughter in her time of desperate need. Carlisle and Esme had similarly put their lives on hold to be with the grieving couple.

Leaving Bella's side for the first time that day, Edward closed himself in the bathroom of the luxurious suite his parents had rented. The silence that enveloped the room was jarring when set against the loud overload of information running through his head. A shudder went through his body and the thoughts he'd kept under lock and key - bound tightly so they couldn't rear their ugly heads - fought their way to the surface.

He threw himself a brief pity party, mourning the loss of lighthearted dreams. He should have been excited. His days should have filled with deceivingly hopeful thoughts of the future. He, Emmett and Jasper would go shopping for all the fun things, leaving the clothes and furniture to their wives. Emmett would insist on filling the cart with tiny footballs and baseballs. Edward would look at some of the stimulating toys, wondering how early a LeapFrog would benefit his kids. Jasper would laugh at them both, pretending to miss the days when their houses were baby free.

Days ago Edward and Bella were arguing about names and ideas for the nursery. But how could they decide on names for children they might never get to hold in their arms? Who cared about the color of paint in the nursery when all the doctors' news came in shades of bad and worse?

Despair shook him, and Edward's self-pitying thoughts gave way to the anxious trepidation that sat at the pit of his stomach and had a firm, too-tight grip on his heart. In the darkness of the bathroom he sunk to his knees, his body crumpling slowly under the weight of his grief and fear until his head rested on the stark, cold tile floor.

Oh, God. His babies - the precious, incomprehensibly tiny lives he'd created with the woman he loved more than life itself. He loved them like there was no tomorrow and it was entirely possible that there wasn't - not for them.

His fist came down on the hard tile as emotion overwhelmed him. He wanted to scream but he couldn't - Bella would hear him. He had to be stronger than this. Instead he muffled a gut-wrenching sob behind gritted teeth. He felt like he was losing his mind. Passionate anger, nameless anxiety, and utter terror wrought chaos on his body. He shook under the assault.

A gentle rap on the door barely permeated the haze around him. "Sweetheart?"

His mother. Part of him wanted to snarl at her to go away. The better part of him ached for the safety of her arms, but the days were long gone when she could kiss away his hurts. She couldn't undo this, and he was the daddy now; it was his job to keep his family safe.

But in the end his warring sides were rendered irrelevant. He'd left the door unlocked and when he didn't answer her call, Esme came in.

"Oh, Edward," she murmured. He must have been quite a sight - defeated and broken as he was on the floor. He didn't look at her, he just clenched his fists tighter, trying to bring his spiraling emotions back under his control.

He let Esme pull him up. She guided him to the edge of the huge tub and sat with him. "Let go, sweetheart," she murmured, scratching her fingers through his hair. That was all it took to break his resolve. Edward crumpled again, his arms winding around his mother's waist. His head on her shoulder, he wept like he was a child again.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you and Bella," Esme whispered, rocking him. "This isn't anything any parent should have to decide."

~0~

Edward couldn't remember the last time either of them had gotten a good night's sleep. It was no surprise that, in the very tiny hours of the morning, they were still awake. They were laying in silence, side by side in the unfamiliar king sized bed. Their hands were clasped between them, over her belly - over their children.

"Are we doing the right thing?" Bella whispered - the first sound either of them had made in hours.

Loosening one of his hands from hers, he brushed her cheek with his knuckles. "I think we're doing the only thing we can," he answered back.

She shifted, scooting close to him so that he could feel the hardness of her belly pressed up against his side. Putting one arm around her and the other hand along the arm she rested across his stomach, he kissed the top of her forehead.

"I'm really scared," she admitted, her voice only a faint tremor.

"I know," he murmured, holding her tighter. "I am too."

Long after Bella fell into an exhausted sleep, Edward was awake, holding his family in his arms for what might have been very last time.

~0~

Before leaving for the hospital, Edward and Bella sat together on the couch in their suite, alone for the moment. Edward slid off the couch, kneeling on the floor. Still holding Bella's hand, put his ear to her belly and spoke to his children.

"This is your daddy," he said softly. It was amazing to him how this didn't feel silly or trite. It was utterly important to him that the babies heard his words; even if they couldn't, it was important for him to say what he had to say. "I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. You don't know how much I wish I could bear it all for you. Your mother is the strongest person I've ever met, so I know you're both little fighters.

"You have so much to fight for. You have to know that after all this, it's unlikely I'll ever be able to say no to you. That's got to be a plus. And you have so many people rooting for you. We all love you very much. I want you to meet your aunts and uncles, your cousin Henry, your grandparents. Even Mommy's dumb friend Jacob is good people. Mostly."

Bella snorted softly, running one hand through his hair as he spoke.

"But mostly, I can't wait to meet you and know you. Your mommy and I have loved you since before we even conceived you. I love you so much." His voice shook, and he stroked his hand along the side of Bella's stomach, wishing he could hold them- hoping he would get a chance to.

He took a deep breath because the next words were probably the hardest he would ever say in his life. He and Bella had agreed on what needed to be said. Knowing what was coming, her hand stilled on his head and her breath hitched. He squeezed their joined hands tightly. His eyes watered and tears spilled down his cheeks, but, sniffling once, he somehow found the strength to continue. "I need you to know that whatever happens, we love you. We want you with us, but..." he steeled himself, "but if you have to leave us... that's okay. No matter what, I will never be anything but proud of you. I will never regret that I get to be your daddy."

Trembling, he kissed his babies through Bella's skin. "I love you. I always will."

~0~

Waiting was torture. He wanted to be with his wife and children. Instead, Edward sat for hours on end in an uncomfortable waiting room with a revolving door of people around him. Charlie and Renee, Esme and Carlisle - even Alice had flown down to be with him. They took all the waiting in shifts doing things that he simply couldn't bring himself to do like eating and sleeping.

He and his father were alone when Carlisle asked if he had prayed. His nerves pushed far past any sort of politeness, Edward chuffed more out of habit than anything else.

"Have you lost your faith entirely, Edward?" Carlisle asked quietly, his voice unassuming as always - only gentle and filled with sincere concern.

Edward paused, considering that question. "Depends on what you mean," he said finally, everlastingly tired. He bowed his head and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know, Dad," he answered finally.

As a little boy, a higher power had just been a reality he accepted. He dutifully said his prayers and enjoyed attending church with his family. It happened gradually that he gained a sort of apathy toward anything relating to the mysticism of faith. A highly logical man, Edward simply didn't think of things that God provided or gave him. Over the course of his rebellious teen years, finding himself as an adult in college, finding a career and starting a life with Bella, he'd given precious little thought to the God that had been a part of his childhood.

"All my life, I've worked for what I have. I buckled down and got good grades in high school so I would be accepted to a good university. I graduated with honors. I work hard at my job every day, and I work hard in my relationship with my wife. Anything I've wanted, any problem I've encountered, I dealt with it on my own, or with Bella, or even with you and Mom." He looked up, into his father's earnest eyes. "I can't just depend on an invisible man to bless me with a miracle."

"This is out of your hands," Carlisle said softly.

Edward's heart twisted painfully as his chest constricted. An awful anxiety crawled through his blood, making him want to claw at his skin just to get the overpowering feeling out of him. He needed a plan. He needed some action he could touch or see, something physical that he could hold and a goal he could work to. Bastard tears pricked at his eyes, the sting making him screw his eyelids tightly shut as his breath hitched in his throat. With his hands clasped together into a single fist, his knuckles white with tension, Edward leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. He rested his forehead on his fisted hands, gritting his teeth against the agony of helplessness.

He barely heard his father get up and sit in the seat next to him. Then Carlisle's hand was on his shoulder. "You got sick when you were 17, do you remember? Of course you remember," Carlisle's voice was chagrined. "When it got to the point where everything that could be done was done, and there was nothing left but to wait by your bedside while you fought for your life, I didn't know how to handle it."

Carlisle's voice was heavy with remembered pain, and Edward turned his head to look to the side. His father hadn't ever spoken of those days. Oh, Edward knew how close he'd come to dying. He could read it in his mother's eyes whenever he got so much as a cold, but his father hadn't ever mentioned it before.

"I'm a doctor. A good one. I've brought back other people's children from so far gone that no one had hope for them. Yet there you were, my boy, and I couldn't save you." He shook his head mournfully. "I'm fairly sure I came dangerously close to losing my mind for a minute there.

"Then I thought about all the things I'd seen in my years in the field of medicine. I thought about how many families I'd seen right where we were. Edward, I can't explain everything I've seen with science and logic, so I just _thought_ at that space in between. I put all my will and all my energy into it." He tilted his head, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Maybe it was pure chance that your vitals started to stabilize. Maybe it didn't help at all. But you know, it didn't hurt."

Edward wanted to reject the idea outright as fanciful. It was ridiculous to believe in magic. Thinking at the space between science and logic? What was that?

But... hadn't he grasped at straws, wishing and hoping there was something, anything he could do?

"You don't have to name it, Edward," Carlisle said. "You don't even have to believe it will work. Even if all it does is occupy a little bit of time, at least you aren't going crazy for those few minutes."

Relenting, Edward stood, heading toward where he knew the hospital chapel to be. He felt out of place. It seemed amazing under the circumstances, his every thought wrapped around his wife and children, but he was vaguely surprised when he didn't burst into flames upon entering the small room.

But when he slid down to his knees, his father beside him, it was surprisingly simple to lose himself to thought.

Every fervent thought and desperate wish he had bubbled to the surface. Accepting his own impotence in this situation was humbling. He gladly would have begged each and every doctor and nurse in this hospital if it would help his son and daughter. Begging the powers of the universe was slightly less awkward than that.

Bowing his head against his clasped hands, Edward concentrated all of his will and energy into the maddeningly imprecise space that his childrens' lives had existed in for the last week or so.

_Please. I don't know if it counts that I've never asked for anything before. I just need this one miracle. Let them be okay. Please, please let them be okay._

It was hard to tell how long he'd been at it when a nurse's soft voice interrupted. "Mr. Cullen?" He'd been on his knees long enough that they cracked when he stood. "Your wife is out of surgery, and the doctor is looking for you."

**~0~**

The first time Bella woke she was too groggy to truly understand what was going on, so Edward was not surprised when she asked the same question when she woke again.

"The surgery went well," he said softly, stroking her cheek and kissing her fingers.

"Babies are okay?" she verified, her eyelashes fluttering as she fought sleep. Her eyes were teary, and despite the sleepiness, there was a measure of profound relief in the deep brown depths.

"They're as well as they can be right now," he said. There were still so many variables; anyone looking at the odds stacked against his children, especially his son, might have been incredulous at his wide, happy smile. But there was hope. It was more than they'd had in days.

**~0~**

"Dad, Mom... this is too much. We can't accept this," Edward said, his jaw still on the floor as he looked at the paperwork his father had just handed him.

"Of course you can accept this. Edward, you know that you're going to be here in California, where Baby Boy's doctors are, for a while. He's going to need another surgery shortly after birth, and probably more in the first three years or so of his life," Carlisle explained.

Edward looked exasperated. "You don't need to tell me what's going on with my son."

"It only makes sense," Esme placated softly. "You can't stay in the hotel for that long. And later, you're going to want to be somewhere where the children feel comfortable. At home."

Growling because they were right - it did make sense - Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, overwhelmed. "I can't believe you bought us a house. I mean-"

"Edward," Carlisle interrupted. "We're your parents. We would do anything for you; surely you understand that now more than ever. It's already done. Just accept it."

"Besides, the house has guestrooms. We're just going to expect that one of them is always open to us," Esme said, grinning at him.

Edward cracked a smile. He sighed and went to his parents, hugging them both. "Thank you."

**~0~**

"There's got to be something I can do," Bella said, frowning as she watched the flurry of activity around her. She'd been lounging on the couch as everyone else moved furniture into her new house. Edward knew that bed rest was more than a little annoying to her, but like everything else, she did it without complaint. Mostly.

"You're doing plenty, sugar," Jasper said, grinning over his shoulder in amusement as he settled a box of books in the corner. "Sit. Gestate. You're brewing two whole people."

Edward was taken aback. "That's kind of brilliant. I'm stealing that."

"That's my man," Alice said cheerfully, wrapping her arms around Jasper's waist from behind. "Kind of brilliant."

"Kind of," Jasper agreed, leaning down for a kiss.

"Besides," Emmett contributed from across the room where he was assembling the TV stand, "this place is pretty sparse, Bella. There's not a lot to move."

Bella rolled her eyes. "That's because our real house is still in Seattle, Em. With all of you." Her lower lip pouted out slightly. Edward's shoulders slumped, his heart twisting. The house was lovely, but it was a reminder that things were off kilter. Baby Boy was far from out of the woods and everyone knew it. Edward took a step toward Bella, wanting to comfort her however he could, wishing he could take her home where they could be surrounded by their family.

Before he could move to her, Rosalie sauntered over, plopping down beside her with Henry at her hip. Alice released Jasper and went to sit on Bella's other side. There was a bag slung around her shoulder that she set on the coffee table in front of them. Bella looked back and forth between her sisters-in-law, perplexed.

"First of all," Rose said, settling Henry between them, "We are all going to rack up so many frequent flier miles shuffling between here and Seattle, you will not have time to miss us."

"Secondly," Alice continued, "you have to look at the bright side. You get to decorate another house. How awesome is that?"

"By you get to decorate, Ali means she gets to decorate in the way she wheedles you into 'choosing'" Jasper used air quotations, stooping low to kiss his wife's cheek.

"No!" Alice protested, smacking Jasper's arm. Edward smirked, unpacking a box while his sister scrambled to clarify. "Really, Bella. I think you'll feel better if this place felt a little more like you. And my brother," she added as an afterthought. "I suppose."

"There's only one problem, Alice," Bella said. Edward was relieved to see that his sisters were chasing away her sadness. "I can't exactly go running around right now." She folded her hands over her belly for emphasis. Though she pretended to frown, Edward could tell she was actually relieved to have an excuse to skip out on shopping with his exceedingly exuberant sister.

"Ah ha!" Alice smiled brilliantly. "See, this is where you'll agree I'm a genius." She leaned over, unpacking the bag she'd set down. It was a laptop bag, Edward realized belatedly. "Internet shopping!"

"Oh," Bella said flatly, putting an arm around little Henry who'd stood on the couch and was trying to climb onto her rapidly shrinking lap. "That's... great."

"They got this," Emmett said quietly to Edward, clapping him on the back. "Come on. Daddies get to move the furniture."

Shaking his head, Edward followed his brother back outside. "See, I wondered what I was around for..."

**~0~**

A couple of weeks later, Edward and Bella were finally alone in their new house.

For the first time in weeks, Edward felt like he could breathe when he woke up. His son was still in danger, but he had run out of ways to worry about that. As of their last appointment, there was no new information to process. Baby Boy seemed to be reacting well after the surgery and continued to develop on schedule. Baby Girl remained perfectly healthy. Each day that passed, the small kernel of hope that planted itself in the center of his being grew.

So when Edward woke that morning and the first thing he felt was the adoration and all consuming love he had for his wife, his Bella, he let himself revel. What he felt for her was everything good in the world, all the small things that people took for granted: furrowing under warm blankets when the rest of the house was cold; the smell of bacon cooking or cookies baking; the natural high of the moments that thrilled like roller coasters or truly phenomenal performances; finding a small slice of peace in the chaotic world, like a night spent on the beach just watching the timeless waves roll up on the sand. He'd often thought that if he had no other stroke of luck in this world, that he'd found Bella, and that she loved him as he loved her, was more than he ever could have expected out of life.

He supposed he could feel bitter that the fates felt inclined to test that theory by messing with his childrens' lives, but in the end that anger was just useless. As he'd told Bella when this all began, there was no fault, nothing they could have done that would have prevented this. Bad things happened to good people all the time. It was out of their hands. His babies were still there, and his Bella was still beautiful.

Though part of him thought she needed to sleep, the better part of him said that there were many things just as important as rest - things he and Bella had been neglecting for too long now.

So he woke his wife with hot, slow kisses, his tongue finding hers when she opened her mouth to moan in her semi-awake state. His hands traced her face, her neck, her shoulders, and his legs tangled with hers.

He eyelids fluttered and her head tilted back. Edward's lips explored her neck, kissing the arch of her throat and letting his teeth scrape along the skin where her shoulders began. She gaped, coming fully awake as her hands threaded through his hair.

God, he'd missed this. He didn't realize how much he'd missed the simple act of loving his wife up until that moment.

Kissing back up her neck, he took his time, nibbling on her earlobe and whispering gravely 'I love yous' into her ear. His lips left a moist bread-crumb trail of kisses down her cheek and across her jaw before he finally claimed her lips again.

When he was sure that she was thoroughly kissed he laid back, caressing her cheeks and brushing her hair away from her neck as he gazed on her adoringly.

"Thank you," she whispered, a reverent smile that was only his on her face.

"For what?" he asked, perplexed.

"It's so easy to forget about everything else with all that's going on," she said quietly, her hand drifting down to rest on her belly. Snuggling closer to him, she kissed his neck before resting her head against his arm. "We've been living in a bubble haven't we?"

His fingers played in her hair, carefully untangling knots. "I'm fairly certain the eastern half of the country could have fallen into the ocean and we wouldn't have noticed," he admitted.

Propping herself up on one arm, Bella kissed his lips and looked him in the eyes. "I'm so glad you're my husband," she said sincerely.

Grinning, he pushed her gently onto her back, switching them so that he was the one leaning over her. She'd said the exact same thing the morning after their wedding, when they'd awaken for the first time as husband and wife. He showered her with tiny, light kisses until she was giggling and sighing as his stubble covered cheek brushed her skin.

The lightness of the atmosphere was healing - exactly what they needed after long weeks of incessant worry. With any crisis it was easy to lose sight of the things that made life worth living. They'd both been so singularly concentrated on one goal, their lives dwindling down to revolve around the twins' health and prognosis. But even in the bleakest of moments, it was important to remember everything they had.

Whatever happened they were passionately in love and together. That had to count for something.

**~0~**

Their appointments continued to be positive. With the shunt in his heart, Baby Boy seemed to be thriving. The doctors were hopeful, but prepared Edward and Bella for the possibility of complications. There was only so much they could judge while he was still in the womb. When it came time for him to be in the real world, it was entirely possible that the situation would take a turn for the worse.

Robbed of any kind of certainty for the future, Edward and Bella had danced around long term plans of any kind. They lived in the space between where they were and their next doctor's appointment, knowing everything could change in the space of a precious heartbeat. The only reason the nursery in their California home was ready was because Esme and Alice had taken over when Edward and Bella wouldn't answer questions about cribs and colors.

For long weeks the door to the nursery had remained closed and ignored.

One afternoon, Edward left Bella sleeping so he could get some groceries they were missing. When he came home the house was still quiet. After the groceries were put away, he shuffled upstairs, hoping Bella was awake because he wanted to hold her.

Edward stopped short when he realized the door to the nursery was open. His heart pounded, an irrational fear spreading through his bloodstream with each beat. He swayed on his feet, berating himself internally because it shouldn't take any amount of courage to walk into his childrens' room. It felt as if his shoes were made of lead as he took one, two, three steps forward.

Peering around the corner, Edward saw Bella in the gliding rocking chair her parents had bought them. She was staring at the cribs on the opposite wall with a hand pressed over her mouth. There were tear tracks on her cheek.

Silently, he crossed the room to her, pulling her up and sitting down in the glider with her on his lap. It was a little awkward – her belly had its own gravitational pull – but he needed to be as close to her as possible. It didn't take a mind reader to know what she was thinking.

It was difficult to be in this room, looking at two cribs – one of which might never get used. The chest of drawers was full of tiny clothes for a girl and a boy – so many things they might never get to put on their son. It was hard to see because almost more terrifying than everything they'd faced so far was the hope that their greatest dreams would come true. Looking at those cribs, Edward couldn't help but imagine watching his daughter _and_ his son sleeping, kicking their little legs in the air or screaming bloody murder until they were changed and fed. He wanted it all so badly he could taste it, and that's what made him so afraid. Holding those dreams in their hands meant that the devastation – should the unthinkable happen – would be total.

If they had to think of the future – of the long term – they had to deal with impossible thoughts like how they would care for a newborn daughter while simultaneously mourning their son. Even the idea of losing their son was crippling. He couldn't imagine actually surviving it.

Bella's shoulders shook, and he knew she was crying again. He kissed her hair. He couldn't imagine how much worse this was for her. Their children were a physical part of her. She felt their presence every minute of every day as they kicked and otherwise abused her internal organs. He held her tightly, wondering if she knew how brave and amazing she was.

Beneath their hands, as always splayed over her belly, the twins started kicking up a storm. Edward had to smile, feeling them against his palm. He let his hand drift to where his son was last situated, feeling the baby move. For a moment he let himself believe that the boy wasn't sickly. He certainly felt strong – keeping up with his sister's rapid movements.

"They like their room," Edward murmured.

Bella stiffened in his arms. Biting back the urge to retract the statement, Edward rubbed her back in slow circles. She breathed deeply and answered in a shaking voice. "Esme and Alice did a really great job."

The room really was spectacular. They'd painted the walls a shade of green reminiscent of the moss and trees of Seattle. That combined with the window that took up most of one wall of the room, letting in the California sunshine, gave them the best of both worlds.

They rocked in silence for another few minutes, just enjoying Baby Girl and Baby Boy's movements. Edward nuzzled the side of Bella's hair with the tip of his nose. "I know you liked Audrey for a girl, but what about Aubrey?"

"Aubrey?" Bella echoed. Edward was relieved that she was considering it. "I like that."

"It means noble ruler of the elves," Edward said, hoping to draw a smile from her.

Going one better, Bella actually laughed lightly. "Really?"

"Just a little bit of magic for our precious girl."

"Yes," Bella agreed. She rubbed her hand over their daughter's side of her belly. "Aubrey." As she heard them, Aubrey kicked especially hard, making Bella laugh again.

Bella sobered, taking another deep breath. "I was thinking… Aiden for Baby Boy. It means little fire." She lifted her head so she could look at him. "Which would explain all the heartburn they give me."

Edward turned the name over in his head. Fire was vibrant, bright and strong; it was perfect for their little fighter. "Aiden," he repeated. And that was that.

~0~

Aubrey Mia Cullen came into the world with little fuss considering all the personnel that attended her birth. She was perfectly normal – 5 pounds, 7 ounces, pink and screaming. She was cut loose of her mother, weighed, measured and tested in a quiet corner of the operating room while her brother got all the attention. But after her initial protest at being taken from her cozy nest to face the cold, cold world, Aubrey seemed unconcerned that her brother hogged the spotlight.

Aiden Masen Cullen surprised all the doctors by being as pink and rosy as his sister was upon birth. Though he was whisked away from his parents initially, he was deemed healthy enough that they could hold him briefly before he was taken to the NICU. He was just barely 5 pounds, but strong and crying mightily as he was born.

The future would bring more questions and concerns that no parent wanted to face. Edward and Bella would have to worry about things many parents took for granted – whether their son would ever be able to run and play along with their daughter; how would he handle the lot he was given in life and the endless stream of specialists he was sure to come to know; would Aubrey ever feel slighted because Aiden needed more care than she probably ever would; would Aiden's life be long and full, or cut too short?

But right then, when they held their son and daughter for the first time, life was just as it should have been. Their upside down world tilted on its axis, righting itself because no matter how difficult the journey had been or would be, the tiny beings in their arms were the epitome of perfection.

Edward covered Bella's face in reverent kisses before kissing each of his childrens' little foreheads. He knew then that he was strong enough to face anything, especially with the incredible woman he had at his side. His children would always know they were cherished – more even in the first minutes of their lives than he ever imagined himself capable of. His heart was painfully full.

When worry inevitably tried to permeate his happiness, Edward firmly pushed his doubts away. He put his arm around Bella, cradling her and Aiden under one arm and Aubrey in the other. A little less than three months ago he'd held Bella the day before she and Aiden went into surgery. He remembered perfectly the thick despair that had surrounded his heart, knowing it very well could be the last time he held his family – whole and complete- in his arms. Yet here they were – whole and complete and growing.

How could he feel anything but lucky?

**~Fin~**


End file.
